Getting the Most from Your Kids...and From Yourself

As for losing, hey, I knew when I agreed to coach the JV team at an inner city school that we were going to have a bad season. We had

1. only four vets;
2. little coaching the previous years;
3. noncompetitive, unstructured middle school ball; and
4. the previous year, the JV team disbanded because so many girls quit.

We won FOUR, two of them being extra matches that I scheduled vs. local private schools. However, you don't measure success by the scoreboard. Success is measured by how close you come to your potential. I did not say how close you could make the players get to their potential. That’s a mark of a good coach, but the kids are responsible for some of their own success! But did YOU come close to YOUR potential as a coach? As a parent? As a spouse? As a student?

Next, how with others judge you and your players? I hope I am not judged by the scoreboard. My last year at Bassett we were 5-12. Then my JV inner city team was 4-13. My first year with the Roanoke Juniors we won 60% of our matches, then the next year 75%. At Roanoke Catholic this past fall we were 9-9. So do I know what I'm doing? A team's record isn't a way to judge a coach. A person is judged by how much they care and their effort. Give me a roster of kids who CARE about each other, their coach, and their team AND are going to give me their best effort, and I will have a fantastic season... regardless of the wins & losses. My Roanoke Catholic team this past year was WONDERFUL! There was dedication, such loyalty, and promptness. The girls and parents were so easy to get along with, always cooperative and reliable. We had a wonderful season!! Now will we be successful next year? I've offered them a great deal on summer camps. Will they jump at it? If not, then how can I consider next year's team successful, when they refuse to sacrifice their boy, their jobs, and their vacations in order to improve.

My Experiences with Rule Breakers and Attitudes

As long as you mistakenly equate winning with success, you will put up with all kinds of ridiculous behavior. An easy example is NBA basketball. But when you accept the above definitions of success, you’ll be happier and you won’t tolerate poor behavior from your players.

I made mistakes dealing with attitude when I was started coaching. But now, I’ve learned that my pleasure and my team’s safety is more important than someone who’ll make me miserable and disrupt my team. In my 2nd year of coaching, a star player had blatantly broken several team rules. Everyone on the team knew the consequences: laps & sit-ups and NO playing time until all the conditioning was completed. Well I made up some stupid excuse to let her play. On the way home, two varsity sophomores came to the front of the bus. They were respectful and they kept their voices low. They said, “We don’t understand. Why did you let her play? YOU broke our team rules. We lost the match anyway. We know she’s good, but she’s SKIPPED practice. She wasn’t ready to play tonight. One of us could have played that position. We haven’t broken any team rules. Why did you do that tonight?” I’ll never forget it. I disrupted my team more than the girl did.

Let me tell you all about "Attitude Setter". She was a great volleyball player with great hands and a will of steal! She was chosen conference Player of the Year as a SOPHMORE!! For about 30 minutes I was so proud. But after that, I knew it was the worst thing that could have happened to her. Looking back, I should have prevented it! I should have withdrawn her name from consideration. Well, the next year she was part of a great team and she had another great season…………but was very hard to deal with: fussing at and correcting teammates, not listening to me, not setting teammates that weren't her "buddies," etc. I talked, encourage, counseled, talked to her family and talked to her some more. Unfortunately, the backup setter was a sophomore who wasn't ready to play. We made the final 4 in the state, but Attitude Setter only made SECOND team All Conference (all the other coaches saw her attitude also!). That “snub” made her bitter and mad. She was HORRIBLE at summer camps, not giving her best effort, not in shape, not intense, tardy to team activities. The final straw was when she said, "Don't ever fuss at me again!" in front of twenty JV and varsity players. That day our talks progressed to the “Coach Ultimatum” stage: “You will never again” do this and that, “You will begin” doing this and that! I also had to say, “Change or don’t try out next year.” So she didn’t. *Sigh* Such a waste. Attitude Setter may have been worth a few more victories. However, it has been 5 years and I am still satisfied with what I did…I gave her the chance to change, she refused, and I can look at myself in the mirror.

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